Sometimes the biggest shift in motherhood doesn't come from a grand life overhaul. It comes from the smallest things in your home and the smallest shifts in your mindset.
Because here's the truth: the joy of motherhood comes in waves. There are seasons where it feels natural and you're like, I can't believe I get to do this. And then there are seasons where it feels hard and you struggle to find joy in the mundane, repetitive moments of daily life. Personally, I struggle with boring routines, so this has been a huge challenge for me since day one.
As a Physician Associate and a mom, I want to talk about what it actually looks like to prioritize joy- not fake joy, but the kind of joy that can exist even in the middle of sleep regressions, clingy toddlers, and the constant mental load.
These phases are short-lived and THEY DO COME TO AN END (I promise!). But even in the difficult moments and boring routines, there is still joy to be had. And I feel that moms do not talk about this enough.
So, let's get into the practical stuff.
1) Stop Comparing Your Life to Other Moms and Social Media
First things first! The constant stream of content and examples of how other people are doing things is not healthy.
It creates comparison, anxiety, jealousy, "I'm behind," "I'm doing it wrong," and "why is this so easy for her?"
And if you're already tired, you don't need to add gas to the fire. Your life and your stage of motherhood is unique to you. Yes, you can seek advice and support, but at the end of the day, NO ONE has your life or your struggles. Everyone carries their own burdens, whether they admit to them or not. I worked in psychiatry and can't begin to explain the number of moms I spoke with who kept their struggles quiet because they didn't want to look like "failures."
A practical rule: If you notice your joy leaving your body as you compare and/or scroll… that's your cue to cut it off.
Actionable boundaries that work:
- Delete social media for a few days OR set a timer for social media so that you can't access it after 5 minutes
- No scrolling in the first 30 minutes after waking up
- Replace scrolling with one real-life thing: text a friend, step outside, turn on music
Joy doesn't come through a screen. It comes back through presence and connection.
2) Adjust Your Expectations to Match Your Season
Knowing your season is huge. I can't emphasize this enough!
If you're in a brutal stage of sleep regression, little kids, postpartum hormones, nonstop needs, then expecting yourself to function like the pre-kid version of yourself is a guaranteed setup for frustration. That version of you is gone.
3) Let Go of Being the Ideal Mom
Most moms have an idealized version of themselves (especially before having children):
- "I'll never do screens."
- "I'll always cook organic meals."
- "I'll be calm and patient and present."
- "I'll have a clean house."
I know I did! Then reality hits, now you're comparing yourself to someone who doesn't even exist, and you automatically feel like a failure.
Your kids can't see your internal "expectation vs. reality" scoreboard. That scoreboard only exists in your head… and it's robbing you.
You can still grow and improve without shaming yourself every day.
4) Build Tiny Things into Your Life to Look Forward To
One of the healthiest things you can do is give yourself small things to look forward to throughout the day.
Examples of micro-joys:
- a good cup of coffee in the morning
- a book you're excited to read after bedtime
- a favorite show you only watch while folding laundry
- some quiet time where you do something for you
5) Brighten Your Home
Light, air, sound, and your physical environment affect your nervous system. If you're exhausted and overstimulated, your environment can either push you further into overload or help pull you back toward regulation.
Try this "atmosphere reset":
- Pull back all curtains/blinds first thing in the morning
- If possible, open a window for fresh air
- Turn on a playlist that instantly boosts your mood
- Add some colorful flowers, a scented candle, or a lamp with warm light into your living space
It's not just about aesthetics. It's about signaling safety and calm to your nervous system.
6) Pay Attention to Your Health
When you're running on no sleep, under-eating, dehydrated, and never moving your body, what comes out of you is not usually joy.
The minimum effective dose:
- Hydration: keep water visible; aim for steady sipping
- Sleep: go to bed earlier than you want to (if possible)
- Nutrition: add protein and healthy carbs to stabilize mood and energy
- Movement: 10 minutes count (walk, stretch, quick workout video)
All of these impact cortisol regulation, blood sugar swings, neurotransmitter balance, and overall stress resilience.
7) If Possible, Delegate and Outsource
There is no badge of honor for burnout.
Delegating might look like:
- letting a friend or family member take the kids for an hour
- trading childcare with another mom
- hiring cleaning help even once a month
- grocery delivery or curbside pickup
An Important Distinction: Finding Joy vs Depression and Anxiety
Struggling to find joy in motherhood is NOT the same thing as having depression or anxiety. They can overlap, but they are not interchangeable.
There are seasons where motherhood feels heavy, monotonous, overstimulating, or exhausting. In those moments, adjusting your environment, lowering expectations, creating small things to look forward to, and caring for your basic needs can genuinely help restore joy.
But depression and anxiety are medical conditions, not mindset failures.
If symptoms are persistent, worsening, or interfering with your ability to function, that is not something you are supposed to push through on your own.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your family is talk to someone outside of your own head. You deserve support, relief, and you do not have to carry it alone.
A Final Word From My Heart
Motherhood has its seasons. Some are sweet. Some are brutal. Joy isn't always dramatic or obvious- some days it looks more like contentment. But the goal isn't to force yourself to feel joyful every minute. The goal is to create conditions where joy can return.
Sending you love,
Lindsey Guevara, PA-C
Sweet Embrace Maternal Health & Wellness, LLC
Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical concerns, symptoms, or treatment decisions.